16.11.02

I had a horrible time trying to get to sleep last night. I don't think I even really slept despite getting out of bed around 12:40 p.m. So naturally since I couldn't sleep my mind wandered over to random thoughts. Since I can't remember being really depressed for the pass couple days, I had wonderfully depressing thoughts, lol. *shrugs*

Though one of the random tangents of thought was about why I didn't like hugs so much. I never could understand why people seem to enjoy giving/receiving hugs X_x; I do not remember ever being hugged. Besides, when I was younger and wanted a hug from my mother she would generally push me away, after all, she never did want children and she says in her family in Vietnam they really weren't touchy-feely people. When people try to hug me now, I generally lash out. Hugs just remind me that random gestures of kindness annoy me and are not worth wasting on me, lol.

For some unknown reason I always thought that I remembered being happy when I was younger. The more I think about it, the more I realize it was just that I was less unhappy, not that I was actually happy. I always found something to be depressed about. Whenever I think I'm happy now, there's always part of me that doubts I'll ever be happy, lol. What does being happy feel like anyway? The only thing that feels real is pain afterall. I'm quite aware that I have things which make me much more fortunate then many other people. But that doesn't matter since I'll never try anything that would improve my situation. I don't need 'help' from anyone else if I don't admit that I want 'help'. I don't want to change, being depressed is what I am for as long as I can remember. Besides, I doubt someone can help me if I don't want to change myself.

And so ends my random ramblings that make no sense, not even to myself.

15.11.02

More quizzes XD

sweatpants
Which type of Gackt pants are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

You%20are%20Gackt's%20Butabara!
What Gackt Item are you?

brought to you by Quizilla
..I'm food...of course _-_;;;



god, you're so manly. take the quiz here.

XD manly? XD




Depressing and suicidal, there's a good chance you might even take drugs or suffer from alcoholism. Even if you don't, you still live in your own little dream world, and most likely have quite a vivid imagination. In any case, you're still rather soothing, in your own bizarre little way. You're also rather angsty.

take the "which neglected jrock band are you?" test. or something.


*_* They are groovy ^^;
I've mostly been listening to jrock today *_* and now, random quizzes, of course XD




Which Gundam Wing character are you?




i'm squall x zell!

i'm a guy; i like to fuck. okay, so maybe, yeah, we love each other, but geez, i won't go getting all squashy on you.

wanna beer or something?


take the which bishink pairing are you? test,

by tenshi and llamajoy.


Oo;
And since I found out Locke Cole was a Sagittarius also, I decided to randomly look around for information on Sagittarians on astrology.com since I'm easily amused XD
So first I got this:

"You are very strong-willed and proud, but intensely private and not easy to know well. Behind your quiet exterior lies a great deal of emotional depth, sensitivity, complexity, and also fierce determination. When you want something you go after it rather quietly but insistently and wholeheartedly - and you usually get it.

In real life I'm generally very quiet around people who don't know me, and it takes a long time, if ever, for anyone to really know me, lol. I'm obsessive with various things that I do, does that count as being determined? XD

You are not a person who lives lightly or superficially. You want to live passionately and intensely and are not averse to challenge, danger, or to facing the darker side of life - human pain and struggle. You function well in crisis situations and often seek them out, for you enjoy the feeling of living at full capacity.

Oh but human pain is what makes people alive! Hm...depending on what type of crisis situation, I suppose I can function well XD I enjoy the feeling of...living? Oo;;

You are very intuitive about other people and especially about their unspoken feelings and hidden motives. You usually have strong, immediate gut reactions, either positive or negative, which prove to be correct. You approach life very instinctively and are not always fully conscious of why you feel or act as you do. You also have a very strong affinity with animals - an acute sensitivity and a nonverbal kind of rapport with them.

I'm fairly decent at knowing what someone's thinking, unless my thoughts are clouding my judgement -_-; I have gut reactions often, and I never know why _-_;; ANIMALS!!! They rule, and most really like me ^^;;;;;;; I'd take a pet over human company anytime *_*

In relation to others, you are rather cautious, sometimes even suspicious, until you get to know and trust them - and trust doesn't come easily to you. When you commit yourself emotionally to someone, be it friend or lover, you are intensely loyal and devoted to them and you also expect the same kind of unwavering, undying loyalty in return. If you are ever betrayed by someone you care deeply for, you are capable of hating and retaliating with as much fervor as you once loved. Nothing is done halfway. In fact, you are intensely involved and often jealously attached to whatever you care about, be it person, idea, or cause. There is definitely a streak of emotional fanaticism in you.

Trust? XD I never bother trusting anyone completely, it's not worth it. Hm, I have felt betrayed by someone before, I made the kid's life somewhat more hellish as a result. Emotional fanaticism? Oh yessssssss....

Because of your natural reserve, others may see you as something of an enigma. You are quite self-protective and often defensive. You are also very magnetic, especially to members of the opposite sex.

Natural reserve? oO?? Yeah, people do generally find me confusing _-_;; I don't think that's that same thing as being an enigma XD Of course I'm self-protective and defensive, I'm one heck of a paranoid person XD The opposite sex generally thinks I'm a cute kid --;;;;;

You are a gambler and an adventurer at heart, one who loves to take risks, to discover and explore new worlds, and to take the untried path rather than the safe, reliable one. You are an independent soul, freedom-loving, and often very restless. You need a lifestyle that provides opportunities for travel, movement, change, and meeting new people. A steady routine which offers much in the way of security but little in the way of space and freedom is odious to you.

Risks are fun, they make things interesting *_* I'm constantly restless when I'm at home _-_ I would love to travel *_* Meeting new people is something I don't need XD I don't need people. Routine's boring _-_;;

To you, life is a journey, an adventure, endlessly interesting and rich with possibilities, and it may be difficult for you to decide where to focus your attention and efforts. You probably traveled around and experimented with many different paths before you settled on a particular career. Or you may go from one project to the next, for once the challenge and vital interest is gone, you are very quick to move on. Commitment, discipline, focus, and concentration are not your strong points. You can be irresponsible and disinclined to take on the burdens and limitations of adult life.

Haaaa, my life has no possibilities life in it, I'm pretty sure I'll continue with a wonderful downward spiral. Yeah, I have a shooortttt attention span -_-;;; I'm horrible with commnitment, I don't know what discipline is, and focus and concentration are just a myth for me XDDDD I would definitely say I'm irresponsible. Adult life? The horror oO;;

An incurable optimist, you have big dreams, aspirations, and hopes for the future and are usually pursuing some distant goal. You have a great deal of faith and trust in life and failures don't crush your spirit. You always bounce back from disappointments, often with another bright dream or scheme. You have a sporting, playful attitude toward life and are philosophical about your mistakes. You have the ability to sense future trends, to see the big picture, and you like to theorize and speculate. However, attending to all of the details and practical requirements of implementing your theories is bothersome to you.

Ahaahahahahhaa....OPTIMIST? _-_;;;;;;;;;; I seriously do nottt agree with this part. Though I do like theorizing and speculating *_*

You express yourself in a very open, direct, and straightforward manner and are often blunt and tactless as well. Because you do not take yourself too seriously, you may not realize how deeply your candid statements can wound more sensitive souls. In fact, though you may not realize it, your insensitivity and lack of understanding regarding others' feelings is probably one of your worst faults.

I'm amazingly blunt _-_;; and I don't much care for tact >.>;;; People shouldn't take me seriously _-_;;; Of course I'm insensitive, the majority of people out there are not worth caring about. And if someone's so easily hurt by words, they should just go die, like I should XD

You do enjoy friendship and comradery, but you need freedom also and do not do well with a possessive, clinging, or emotionally demanding partner. You are quite generous yourself, and heartily dislike pettiness in others. Someone who shares your ideals, your sense of fun, and your zest for life would be the right companion for you."

....Friendship is not necessary. I am in no way generous unless it would benefit myself XD I do not need a companion --;;; What's with this thing's insistance that I need people _-_
It's FRIDAY!!! WWOOO!! ^^;;; I don't ever remember being so excited that it's finally Friday, and this week wasn't even a bad week...well, I don't remember actually >.>;; Anyway, I sleep through (or just stayed in bed) through my Biology class again, this is either the 3rd or 4th time, I already lost count, ah well.
and now, random quizzes from kawiko's dj XDD



..is that good or bad XD

You're%20Killua!
Which Hunter x Hunter Character Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

he's one of my favorite characters from the series ^^

14.11.02

A brilliant fact XD ----

RocK M01: yes..sleep, eat, goof off, get manga/anime fix..repeat fer a good balanced greppie life XD
*shiver* must...resist...urge to skip around insanely like the little kids all around me >.>;;;

and so that was the prevailing thought running around my head as I was helping lead kids to the library today _-_;;; We watched the oldddddd Disney very of A Christmas Carol, I liked it XD The kids will be putting on a play of it sometime ^^ Cuuuuuuuuuuteeeeeeee! ^^;;; And I'm much too easily amused by cute things. Speaking of cute, I really like JtHM now, hm....some of it's cute, like Squee XDDD and the Nailbunny XDDDD

13.11.02

And a random quiz from cessy's lj XDDD






Which Jhonen Vaquez character are you? By EmReznor.
Random results from an ink blot test I took at cessy's lj, I swear I stalk her XDDD

"Fiore, your unconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life — things that others are too afraid to consider.

Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world — which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied.

It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you're falling into a rut when life slows down into a comfortable routine.

You need to make sure you have stimulation in your life — that makes you feel like you're innovating or being exposed to the ideas and experiences that truly inspire you.

With such a strong orientation towards curiosity, you're also prone to a rebellious quality that shows up when you feel you are just going through the motions, and are unable to really influence the world around you. But interestingly enough, your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Unconsciously, your curiosity presses you to learn more, experience more, and get the most out of life."

But, I don't want anything really out of life anymore, since I probably won't get want I want anyway XDDD The inkblots were mostly creepy _-_;; my imagination seems to compose of monsters and bizzard creatures X_x; Other then that, it's fairly accurate ^^ People tell me I ask too many questions _-_;;

12.11.02

I'm proud of today being the first day here that I fell down stairs _-_;; I'm use to falling down stairs on a monthly basis _-_;;

I found the following lyrics highly amusing XD

title: Strawberry Sex
artist: Ken Hirai

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
Sora kara furu bokura no MESSEEJI
Doko ni itemo nanji demo
Ai no kotoba tsutaerareru, demo ne
100 (hyaku) mankai no MEERU yori
Tatta ichido no RIARU na nukumori wo

Kimi to Strawberry Sex
It's a wonderful world
Mahou no KISU de hajimeyou 1, 2, 3

** Strawberry sex
It's a wonderful world
Nandaka mune ga DOKIDOKI
baby kimi to asa made zutto zutto te wo tsunaide

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
Kono hoshi no dokoka ni kimi ga iru
Donna tooku hanaretemo
Onaji sora wo miagerareru, demo ne
Hoshi wo miru kimi no kao
Datte miru koto dekinai, sou daro?

Dakara Strawberry Sex
It's a wonderful world
Imasugu kimi no tokoro e 1, 2, 3

Strawberry sex
It's a wonderful world
Nandaka mune ga CHIKUCHIKU
baby kimi no subete wo gyutto gyutto dakishimetai

Doko ni iru no? Nani shiten no?
Ai no kotoba tsutaitai yo dakara
100 (hyaku) mankai no MEERU yori
Tatta ichido no RIAU na nukumori wo


And another set lyrics from an amazingly happy and cute sounding sound that I like from CCS ^^
Sakura Tange's Prism
(posting the romaji and translation XD)

Kotchi ni kite jitto shite 'te
Hora Kirei da ne

Happa no ue sotto hikaru
Hora Ame no tsubu

Fushigi ga ippai Achikochi de DANCE shite 'ru
Genki wo wasurenaide tte messeji ne

Mawarimichi datte suteki
Mata aeta mono

Mahou da ne Sono egao
Nanka hotto suru yo

Tenshi ga ippai Poketto de DANCE shite 'ru
Jibun wo shinjite ne tte yuu messeji ne

Suteki ga ippai Achikochi de DANCE shite 'ru
Ganbaru haato ni sora kara no purezento ne

Nani ka aru ka na Kono michi no mukou ni
Nee Ikou Ikou yo Ikeba wakaru yo

Tenshi ga ippai Poketto de DANCE shite 'ru
Kimi nara daijoubu da yo tte messeji ne

Fushigi ga ippai Achikochi de DANCE shite 'ru
Yume miru haato ni sora kara no purezento ne

Kotchi ni kite jitto shite 'te
Hora Kirei da ne
It's coming this way, steadily
Look, it's pretty, isn't it?

Sunlight shines on a leaf, softly
Look, here's a raindrop

It's full of mysteries dancing back and forth
It's a message telling me not to forget happiness

Even the roundabout way is lovely
Having met once more

Magic is in that smile, isn't it?
Something just pops up

It's full of angels dancing in my pocket
It's a message telling me to believe in myself

It's full of wonders dancing back and forth
It's a present from the sky for my trying heart

I wonder if there's something at the other end of the road
Hey, let's go, let's go, we'll find it if we go

It's full of angels dancing in my pocket
It's a message saying if it's me it will be all right

It's full of mysteries dancing back and forth
It's a present from the sky for my dreaming heart

It's coming this way, steadily
Look, it's pretty, isn't it?

11.11.02

and more randomness of course XD

fioreail777: greatthinkingskillstodayyyyyy
fioreail777: don'tyouthink?_-_;
meattbalhead15: 'great thin kings kills today'

I was typing great thinking skills today XD And I'm way too easily amused XD I couldn't stop laughing in the computer lab so I got plenty of weird looks _-_;;;
And this is how I drive myself more insane _-_;;; :::

fioreail777: go go go go to to to to sleep sleep sleep sleep
evy wires: lol
fioreail777: Oo Oo Oo Oo I'm I'm I'm I'm going going going going to to to to drive drive dirve drive myself myself myself myself more more more more insane insane insane insane doing doing doing doing this this this @_@ @_@ @_@ @_@
evy wires: XD
fioreail777: *dies* *dies* *dies* *dies*
evy wires: <- notices how patata types so much slower and more accurately when he does x4
fioreail777: >.< >.< >.< >.<
fioreail777: it it it it would would would would be be be be horrible horrible horrible horrible to to to to make make make make a a a a typo typo typo typo to to to to correct correct correct correct four four four four times times times times
fioreail777: X_x X_x X_x X_x
evy wires: XD
fioreail777: how how how how are are are are you you you you? ? ? ?
fioreail777: echo echo echo echo XD XD XD XD
evy wires: doing fine patatas!
fioreail777: I I I I don't don't don't don't see see see see any any any any patata patata patata patata >.> >.> >.> >.>
fioreail777: <.< <.< <.< <.<
evy wires: i do, though
I'm drowning in the rain. _-_ Somebody bail me outttttttt. Is it just me, or has there been a lotttt of rain in MD lately _-_ *makes gurgling sounds*

10.11.02

Weee...I'm rather tired now since I couldn't sleep X_x;; Ah well, I have a paper and a project to do XDD funnnnnnnn at least it's only 7:20 XD
I'll finally get around to posting the lyrics to Evergreen by hyde since I've been meaning to for awhile now ^^;

I lie awake beside the windowsill
like a flower in a vase
A moment caught in glass

The rays of sunlight come and beckon me
To a sleepy dreamy haze
A sense of summer days

If only I could stop the flow of time
Turn the clock to yesterday
Erasing all the pain

I've only memories of happiness
Such pleasure we have shared
I'd do it all again

This scenery is evergreen
As buds turn into leaves, the colours live and breathe
This scenery is evergreen
Your tears are falling silently

So full of joy, you are a child of spring
With a beauty that is pure
And innocence endures

You flow right through me like a medicine
Bringing quiet to my soul
Without you I'm not whole

This scenery is evergreen
I need you far too much, I long to feel your touch
This scenery is evergreen
You've always been so dear to me

This scenery is evergreen
It sorrows at the sight of seeing you so sad
This scenery is evergreen
I wish that I could dry your tears

The bells have rung, the time has come
I cannot find the words to say my last goodbye
This scenery is evergreen
You've always been so dear to me...


And now, some random quiz results ^^;;

Kyo's%20Abs
What Piece of Jrock Anatomy are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
XD

little%20red%20riding%20hood
Which Fairy Tale Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla


Which Moon Are You?

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You%20are%20Tears%20of%20Pearls
Which Less Obvious Savage Garden Song Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

zetsubou%20no%20ouka
which plastic tree song are you?

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yessss...